If I Were in Charge

I guess now I will have to take charge of the illegal immigration problem.

Last I heard there were about 12 million illegals in this country. My question is…how do we know that? Did Bush award a no-bid contract to Halliburton to stand at the border and tic them off one by one as they crossed over? Be that as it may, I will assume there are many millions in this country…mainly because there are only 12 people left in Mexico City and they are having trouble finding anyone to cut their grass.

My decision to get involved in the immigration problem stems from my not being able to find anyone to cut my grass either. Or at least at a reasonable price. Or in a timely manner. We have to organize the aliens and, if they are to stay in this country (which looks pretty good for them at this point), then we must make it a win-win situation.

So from now on, all illegal aliens must register with me. I will evaluate each one's strengths and abilities and then assign them to a proper task.

If they can do electrical work, that would be a major plus for us all. This week I called an electrician to put up two sconces in my bathroom. Two guys showed up (two days late) and said it would take about two hours and cost…(do you see a pattern here?) at least $200!! Seriously!

Don't even get me started on plumbers. It goes without saying that no self-respecting Mexican would have the ubiquitous butt-crack problem. And what do plumbers do with all that money they get? Charging outrageous amounts of money just so they can have the baddest bass boat on the bay?

If I were in charge, first thing I would do is make the aliens new citizens. They ain't going back so we may as well incorporate them. But they would all have to do four years of military service. Except for the women. They have to iron for four years. I would gladly pay for someone to iron my clothes. So between the ironing and the fighting over in Iraq or wherever democracy is in danger…they should have some serious money to go to school for whatever training or education they seek.

So the registration process starts here….All landscapers, handymen, electricians and ironers will be given priority in attaining citizenship.

Photo Retouching

Check this out for some interesting before and afters done with Photoshop.

http://glennferon.com.nyud.net:8090/portfolio1/index.html

Laugh of the Day

At age 4, success is ~ not peeing your pants
At age 12, success is ~ having friends
At age 22, success is ~ having sex
At age 35, success is ~ making money
At age 60, success is ~ having sex
At age 70, success is ~ having friends
At age 80, success is ~ not peeing your pants

Laugh of the Day

Why men aren't secretaries...

Husband's note to wife:
"Doctor's office called: 'Pabst beer is normal.' "

How Do They Do This?

Laugh of the Day

Seen on T-shirts:

"Frankly, Scallop, I Don't Give a Clam" (seen on Cape Cod)
"That's It! I'm Calling Grandma!" (seen on an 8 year old)
"Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew Up"
"Procrastinate Now"
"Rehab Is for Quitters"
"My Dog Can Lick Anyone"
"I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts - Do You Want Fries With That?"
"Party - My Crib - Two A.M." (on a baby-size shirt)
"Finally 21, and Legally Able to Do Everything I've Been Doing Since I was 15
"All men are idiots, and I married their king"
"West Virginia: One Million People, and 15 last names"
"Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with the software.
"I'm out of estrogen and I've got a gun!"
"A hangover is the wrath of grapes"
"Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!"
"Moosehead: A great beer and a new experience for a moose"
"They call it "PMS" because "Mad Cow Disease" was already taken"
"He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead"
"Time's fun when you're having flies.......Kermit the Frog"
"Police Station Toilet Stolen ... Cops have nothing to go on."
"Heck is where people go who don't believe in Gosh!"
"A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up a thousand times the memory."
"The Meek shall inherit the earth....after we're through with it."
"Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana."
"Ham and Eggs - A day's work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig"
"The trouble with life is there's no background music."
"If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?"
"Suicidal Twin Kills Sister By Mistake!"
"My wild oats have turned to shredded wheat"
"Computer programmers don't byte, they nybble a bit."
"Computer programmers know how to use their hardware."
"Mop and Glow - Floor wax used by Three-Mile-Island cleanup team."
"Nyquil -The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine"
"Quoting one is plagiarism. Quoting many is research."
"My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God, and I didn't"

Anagrams

George Bush: When you rearrange the letters: He bugs Gore
Dormitory: When you rearrange the letters: Dirty Room
Evangelist: When you rearrange the letters: Evil's Agent
Desperation: When you rearrange the letters: A Rope Ends It
The Morse Code: When you rearrange the letters: Here Come Dots
Slot Machines: When you rearrange the letters: Cash Lost in 'em
Animosity: When you rearrange the letters: Is No Amity
Mother-in-law: When you rearrange the letters: Woman Hitler
Snooze Alarms: When you rearrange the letters: Alas! No More Z's
A Decimal Point: When you rearrange the letters: I'm a Dot in Place
The Earthquakes: When you rearrange the letters: That Queer Shake
Eleven plus two: When you rearrange the letters: Twelve plus one

Awesome Chalk Drawings!

Laugh of the Day

An elderly lady was returning to her car with her groceries and found four men leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew a handgun, while screaming, "I have a gun and I know how to use it! Get out of the car you scum bags!"

The four men didn't wait for a second invitation but got out and ran like all darn nation! The lady, somewhat shaken, proceeded to load her shopping bags onto the back seat of the car and got into the driver's seat but was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition. After trying several times, it dawned on her ... why. A few minutes later she found her own car parked several spaces away. She reloaded her bags into her car and drove to the police station. The desk sergeant to whom she told the story nearly tore himself in two with laughter and pointed to the other end of the counter, where four very pale white males were reporting a car jacking by a crazy old woman described as less than five feet tall, with curly white hair carrying a large handgun.

Laugh of the Day

For everyone who has ever had to write an evaluation or performance review. These are actual quotes taken from United States Federal Government employee performance evaluations.

(I don't know how true that is...I worked for the federal government and never met anyone with an original thought!)

1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom & has started to dig."

2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."

3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of a definite won't be."

4. "Works well when under constant supervision & cornered like a rat in a trap."

5. "When she opens her mouth, it seems that it is only to change feet."

7. "This young lady has delusions of adequacy."

8. "He sets low personal standards & then consistently fails to achieve them."

9. "This employee is depriving a village somewhere of an idiot."

10. "This employee should go far, & the sooner he starts the better."

11. "Got a full 6-pack, but lacks the plastic thingy to hold it all together."

12. "A gross ignoramus -- 144 times worse than an ordinary ignoramus."

13. "He doesn't have ulcers, but he's a carrier."

14. "I would like to go hunting with him sometime."

15. "He's been working with glue too much."

16. "He would argue with a signpost."

17. "He brings a lot of joy whenever he leaves the room."

18. "When his IQ reaches 50, he should sell."

19. "If you see two people talking & one looks bored, he's the other one."

20. "A photographic memory but with the lens cover glued on."

21. "A prime candidate for natural de-selection."

22. "Donated his brain to science before he was done using it."

23. "Gates are down, the lights are flashing, but the train isn't coming."

24. "He's got two brain cells, one is lost & the other is out looking for it."

25. "If he were any more stupid, he'd have to be watered twice a week."

26. "If you gave him a penny for his thoughts, you'd get change."

27. "If you stand close enough to him, you can hear the ocean."

28. "It's hard to believe he beat out 1,000,000 other sperm."

29. "Some drink from the fountain of knowledge; he only gargles."

30. "Takes him 2 hours to watch '60-minutes'."

31. "The wheel is turning, but the hamster is dead"

An Oldie but...brings tears to my eyes

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare and serious disease.
Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat the illness. The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes, I'll do it if it will save her."
As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheeks. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away?"
Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her. You see, after all, understanding and attitude, are everything.

The World Village

If earth's population was shrunk into a village of just 100 people with all the human ratios existing in the world still remaining what would this tiny, diverse village look like?

That's exactly what Phillip M. Harter, a medical doctor at the Stanford University School of Medicine, attempted to figure out. This is what he found:

57 would be Asian
21 would be European
14 would be from the Western Hemisphere
8 would be African
52 would be female
48 would be male
70 would be nonwhite
30 would be white
70 would be non-Christian
30 would be Christian
89 would be heterosexual
11 would be homosexual
6 people would possess 59 percent of the entire world's wealth, and all
6 would be from the United States.
80 would live in substandard housing
70 would be unable to read
50 would suffer from malnutrition
1 would be near death
1 would be pregnant
1 would have a college education
1 would own a computer

Laugh of the Day

"White House aides confirmed that Rove, in his capacity as deputy chief of staff, is helping to lead the Katrina recovery effort. With Rove's name a rallying point for Bush foes, especially after revelations of his role in the unmasking of a CIA operative, Democrats sought to denigrate his involvement.

"Mr. Rove may be an expert on leaks, but that doesn't qualify him to oversee flood relief," said Rep. Rahm Emanuel (Ill.), chairman of the Democratic Congressional Campaign Committee. " excerpt from Washington Post

I'm Confused

In the past couple years, I have noticed a new buzz word...'arguably'. Like, that amaretto cheesecake is arguably the best cheesecake in the world. I was going to post the recipe but I'm not sure if it's good or not. Does 'arguably' mean that one could argue for or against it being the best cheesecake in the world? If one would say "it is inarguably the best cheesecake in the world" then I would not have any doubts...as there would be no argument.

Maybe I don't really need to deal with this right now as I am still trying to get my head around 'flammable' and 'inflammable'.

Laugh of the Day

Humor from Doctors....


A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and began to take off her underwear. Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - and I was in the wrong one.

Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio, TX


At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yes, they used to be," remorsed the patient.

Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle, WA


One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."

Dr. Susan Steinberg, Manitoba, Canada


I was performing a complete physical, including the visual acuity test. I placed the patient twenty feet from the chart and began, "Cover your right eye with your hand." He read the 20/20 line perfectly. "Now your left." Again, a flawless read. "Now both," I requested. There was silence. He couldn't even read the large E on the top line. I turned and discovered that he had done exactly what I had asked; he was standing there with both his eyes covered. I was laughing too hard to finish the exam.

Dr. Matthew Theodropolous, Worcester, MA


During a patient's two week follow-up appointment with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that he was having trouble with one of his medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch. The nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours and now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him quickly undress and discovered what I hoped I wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch before applying a new one.

Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk, VA


While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?" After a look of complete confusion she answered... "Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband was alive."

Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis, OR


I was caring for a woman and asked, "So how's your breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste" the patient replied. I then asked to see the jelly and the woman produced a foil packet labeled "KY Jelly."

Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit, MI


A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room, when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."


and finally...

A new, young MD doing his residency in OB was quite embarrassed performing female pelvic exams. To cover his embarrassment he had unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon whom he was performing this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further embarrassed him. He looked up from his work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener".

Dr. wouldn't admit his name

The Curtain Rods

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candlelight, put on some soft background music and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar and a bottle of Chardonnay.


When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar, into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left.

When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.....Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out. Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned. Air fresheners were hung everywhere.

Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days, and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting.....

Nothing worked.....

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the sench any longer and decided to move.....

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house.....

Word got out and eventually even the local Realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.....

He told her the saga of the rotting house.

She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly,and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on price that was about 1/10 of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.....

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later, the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home - including the curtain rods.


I LOVE A HAPPY ENDING, DON'T YOU???

Letter from Michael Moore

To All My Fellow Americans Who Voted for George W. Bush:

On this, the fourth anniversary of 9/11, I'm just curious, how does it feel?

How does it feel to know that the man you elected to lead us after we were attacked went ahead and put a guy in charge of FEMA whose main qualification was that he ran horse shows?

That's right. Horse shows.

I really want to know -- and I ask you this in all sincerity and with all due respect -- how do you feel about the utter contempt Mr. Bush has shown for your safety? C'mon, give me just a moment of honesty. Don't start ranting on about how this disaster in New Orleans was the fault of one of the poorest cities in America. Put aside your hatred of Democrats and liberals and anyone with the last name of Clinton. Just look me in the eye and tell me our President did the right thing after 9/11 by naming a horse show runner as the top man to protect us in case of an emergency or catastrophe.

I want you to put aside your self-affixed label of Republican/conservative/born-again/capitalist/ditto-head/right-winger and just talk to me as an American, on the common ground we both call America.

Are we safer now than before 9/11? When you learn that behind the horse show runner, the #2 and #3 men in charge of emergency preparedness have zero experience in emergency preparedness, do you think we are safer?

When you look at Michael Chertoff, the head of Homeland Security, a man with little experience in national security, do you feel secure?

When men who never served in the military and have never seen young men die in battle send our young people off to war, do you think they know how to conduct a war? Do they know what it means to have your legs blown off for a threat that was never there?

Do you really believe that turning over important government services to private corporations has resulted in better services for the people?

Why do you hate our federal government so much? You have voted for politicians for the past 25 years whose main goal has been to de-fund the federal government. Do you think that cutting federal programs like FEMA and the Army Corps of Engineers has been good or bad for America? GOOD OR BAD?

With the nation's debt at an all-time high, do you think tax cuts for the rich are still a good idea? Will you give yours back so hundreds of thousands of homeless in New Orleans can have a home?

Do you believe in Jesus? Really? Didn't he say that we would be judged by how we treat the least among us? Hurricane Katrina came in and blew off the facade that we were a nation with liberty and justice for all. The wind howled and the water rose and what was revealed was that the poor in America shall be left to suffer and die while the President of the United States fiddles and tells them to eat cake.

That's not a joke. The day the hurricane hit and the levees broke, Mr. Bush, John McCain and their rich pals were stuffing themselves with cake. A full day after the levees broke (the same levees whose repair funding he had cut), Mr. Bush was playing a guitar some country singer gave him. All this while New Orleans sank under water.

It would take ANOTHER day before the President would do a flyover in his jumbo jet, peeking out the widow at the misery 2500 feet below him as he flew back to his second home in DC. It would then be TWO MORE DAYS before a trickle of federal aid and troops would arrive. This was no seven minutes in a sitting trance while children read "My Pet Goat" to him. This was FOUR DAYS of doing nothing other than saying "Brownie (FEMA director Michael Brown), you're doing a heck of a job!"

My Republican friends, does it bother you that we are the laughing stock of the world?

And on this sacred day of remembrance, do you think we honor or shame those who died on 9/11/01? If we learned nothing and find ourselves today every bit as vulnerable and unprepared as we were on that bright sunny morning, then did the 3,000 die in vain?

Our vulnerability is not just about dealing with terrorists or natural disasters. We are vulnerable and unsafe because we allow one in eight Americans to live in horrible poverty. We accept an education system where one in six children never graduate and most of those who do can't string a coherent sentence together. The middle class can't pay the mortgage or the hospital bills and 45 million have no health coverage whatsoever.

Are we safe? Do you really feel safe? You can only move so far out and build so many gated communities before the fruit of what you've sown will be crashing through your walls and demanding retribution. Do you really want to wait until that happens? Or is it your hope that if they are left alone long enough to soil themselves and shoot themselves and drown in the filth that fills the street that maybe the problem will somehow go away?

I know you know better. You gave the country and the world a man who wasn't up for the job and all he does is hire people who aren't up for the job. You did this to us, to the world, to the people of New Orleans. Please fix it. Bush is yours. And you know, for our peace and safety and security, this has to be fixed. What do you propose?

I have an idea, and it isn't a horse show.

Yours,
Michael Moore
www.michaelmoore.com
mmflint@aol.com

Uncle Donnie...You Magnificent Bastard!

Reports that say that something hasn't happened are always interesting to me, because as we know, there are known knowns; there are things we know we know. We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns - the ones we don't know we don't know." -- Donald Rumsfeld, February 12, 2002

If I Were in Charge.....

Instead of sending Rovers to Mars, (I bet you thought I would say we should send Rove to Mars…that's for a later topic) I would pay engineers to find a way to operate household appliances without cords….why can't we have a decent vacuum cleaner that is cordless? And I would eliminate polarized plugs entirely…whose idea was that anyway?

No company in this country would have automated answering systems. When you called someone, a human would answer. No disembodied voice would say, "Please listen to our menu, as it has recently changed". Or "This call will be monitored for quality assurance". What the HELL is that all about? I love this one…"your call is important to us". If it is that important, then hire some poor kid at minimum wage…let him/her learn the business from the ground up….the phone is the MOST important part of a company!! We have CEOs making 2.5 million a year and they can't afford to hire humans?

Change the packaging of our products!! Should it be necessary to use sharp instruments and wire clippers to free a teddy bear from a box??? And if theft is the reason for all this inconvenience, I'd make shoplifting a felony. Or make every schoolkid read "Les Miserables". Or everyone caught shoplifting would have to answer the phones at every company that used automated answering systems for one year. With 98% of the goods at Walmart coming from China, it's pretty obvious that they have found a way to defeat us without ever firing a shot…drive us crazy with their packaging! We are so frustrated trying to open a fripping box of nails that we must turn against one another, venting our accumulated anger on chat boards, in traffic, in politics, etc. And the Chinese are well aware that a nation divided against itself cannot stand, so all they have to do is export and wait patiently.

If I were in charge, we would have more than one president. One was great back when our forefathers made up the rules, but that was what…230 years ago? Things have changed. I would divide the country into fourths….four presidents. We are obviously too large geographically and population-wise for one president.

And how about a Dept. of Profit Accountability? With the huge outflow of our manufacturing jobs to third world countries where the average wage is like what? 7 cents a day, you would think our American corporations would pass these savings on to their fellow countrymen. I saw a cotton T-shirt made in Bangladesh for gods sake selling for $59!! Thanks guys! Why didn't someone think…send the manufacturing jobs to Mexico, pay them a living wage…keeping the Mexicans happily in their land of birth and then I wouldn't have to read instructions on my new vacuum in Spanish for 8 minutes before I realize that I don't speak Spanish! Or French. Who came up with that rule that all instructions had to be in those three languages? Why not Chinese since they make all the products we use? That's another reason they hate us so much…we left them out of the instruction pamphlets.

This is just the beginning of what I would do if I were in charge…I have been on hold with my mortgage company for two days now and as soon as I get to talk to a human, I will be back.

Laugh of the Day

Sandler Addison Moore

Ya Gotta Just Laugh!

I read today the perfect description of our current government....a MORONARCHY!

Laugh of the Day

What I Did On My Summer Vacation....

Do you think he finally finished reading his book?

Instructions for Life

1. Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.
2. Memorize your favorite poem.
3. Don't believe all you hear, spend all you have, or sleep all you want.
4. When you say, "I love you," mean it.
5. When you say, "I'm sorry," look the person in the eye.
6. Be engaged at least six months before you get married.
7. Believe in love at first sight.
8. Never laugh at anyone's dreams. People who don't have dreams don't have much.
9. Love deeply and passionately. You might get hurt but it's the only way to live life completely.
10. In disagreements, fight fairly. No name-calling.
11. Don't judge people by their relatives.
12. Talk slowly but think quickly.
13. When someone asks you a question you don't want to answer, smile and ask, "Why do you want to know?"
14. Remember that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
15. Call your Mom while you can.
16. Say, "Bless you" when you hear someone sneeze.
17. When you lose, don't lose the lesson.
18. Remember the three R's: Respect for self; Respect for others; Responsibility for all your actions.
19. Don't let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
20. When you realize you've made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
21. Smile when picking up the phone. The caller will hear it in your voice.
22. Marry a man/woman you love to talk to. As you get older, their conversational skills will be as important as any other.
23. Spend some time alone.
24. Open your arms to change but don't let go of your values.
25. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
26. Read more books and watch less TV.
27. Live a good, honorable life. Then when you get older and think back, you'll get to enjoy it a second time.
28. Trust in God but lock your car.
29. A loving atmosphere in your home is so important. Do all you can to create a tranquil harmonious home.
30. In disagreements with loved ones deal with the current situation. . Don't bring up the past.
31. Read between the lines.
32. Share your knowledge. It's a way to achieve immortality.
33. Be gentle with the earth.
34. Pray. There's immeasurable power in it.
35. Never interrupt when you are being flattered.
36. Mind your own business.
37. Don't trust a man/woman who doesn't close his/her eyes when you kiss.
38. Once a year, go someplace you've never been before.
39. If you make a lot of money, put it to use helping others while you are living. That is wealth's greatest satisfaction.
40. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a stroke of luck.
41. Learn the rules then break some.
42. Remember that the best relationship is one where your love for each other is greater than your need for each other.
43. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.
44. Remember that your character is your destiny.
45. Approach love and cooking with reckless abandon.

100 Best Novels

I ran into this listing years ago and am still trying to get through the list:

100 Best Novels List

1. "Ulysses," James Joyce
2. "The Great Gatsby," F. Scott Fitzgerald
3. "A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man," James Joyce
4. "Lolita," Vladimir Nabokov
5. "Brave New" World," Aldous Huxley
6. "The Sound and the Fury," William Faulkner
7. "Catch-22," Joseph Heller
8. "Darkness at Noon," -Arthur Koestler
9. "Sons and Lovers," D.H. Lawrence
10. "The Grapes of Wrath," John Steinbeck
11. "Under the Volcano," Malcolm Lowry
12. "The Way of All Flesh," Samuel Butler
13. "1984," George Orwell
14. "I, Claudius;" Robert Graves
15. "To the Lighthouse," Virginia Woolf
16. "An American Tragedy," Theodore Dreiser
17. "The Heart Is a Lonely Hunter," Carson McCullers
18. "Slaughterhouse Five," Kurt Vonnegut
19. "Invisible Man," Ralph Ellison
20. "Native Son," Richard Wright
21. "Henderson the Rain King," Saul Bellow
22. "Appointment in Samarra," John O"Hara
23. "U.S.A. (trilogy), John Dos Passos
24. "Winesburg, Ohio," Sherwood Anderson
25. "A Passage to India," E.M. Forster
26. "The Wings of the Dove," Henry James
27. "The Ambassadors," Henry James
28. "Tender Is the Night," F. Scott Fitzgerald
29. "The Studs Lonigan Trilogy," James T. Farrell
30. "The Good Soldier," Ford Maddox Ford
31. "Animal Farm,"George Orwell
32. "The Golden Bowl," Henry James
33. "Sister Carrie," Theodore Dreiser
34. "A Handful of Dust," Evelyn Waugh
35. "As I Lay Dying," William Faulkner
36. "All the King"s Men," Robert Penn Warren
37. "The Bridge of San Luis Rey," Thornton Wilder
38. "Howards End," E.M. Forster
39. "Go Tell It on the Mountain," James Baldwin
40. "The Heart of the Matter," Graham Greene
41 "Lord of the Flies," William Golding
42. "Deliverance, " James Dickey
43. "A Dance to the Music of Time" (series), Anthony Powell
44. "Point Coounter Point," Aldous Huxley
45. "The Sun Also Rises", Ernest Hemingway
46. "The Secret Agent," Joseph Conrad
47. "Nostromo," Joseph Conrad"
48. "The Rainbow," D.H. Lawrence
49. "Women in Love," D.H. Lawrence
50. "Tropic of Cancer," Henry Miller
51. "The Naked ,and the Dead," Norman Mailer
52. "Portnoy"s Complaint," Philip Roth
53. "Pale Fire, Vladimir Nabokov
54. "Light in August," William Faulkner
55. "On the Road," Jack Kerouac
56. "The Maltese Falcon," Dashiell Hammett
57. "Parade"s End," Ford Maddox Ford
58. "The Age of Innocence," Edith Wharton
59. "Zuleika Dobson," Max Beerbohm
60. "The Moviegoer," Walker Percy
61. "Death Comes to the Archbishop," Willa Cather
62. "From Here to Eternity," James Jones
63. "The Wapshot Chronicles," John Cheever
64. "The Catcher in the Rye," J.D. Salinger
65. "A Clockwork Orange," Anthony Burgess
66. "Of Human Bondage," W Somerset Maugham
67. "Heart of Darkness," Joseph Conrad
68. "Main Street," Sinclair Lewis
69. "The House of Mirth," Edith Wharton
70. "The Alexandria Quartet," Lawrence Durrell
71. "A High Wind in Jamaica," Richard Hughes
72. "A House for Ms. Biswas,"V.S.Naipaul "
73. "The Day of the Locust," Nathaniel West
74. "A Farewell to Arms," Ernest Hemingway
75. "Scoop," Evelyn Waugh
76. "The Prime of Miss JeanBrodie," Muriel Spark
77. "Finnegans Wake," James Joyce
18. "Kim," Rudyard Kipling
79. "A Room With a View," E.M. Forster
80. "Brideshead Revisited," Evelyn Waugh
81 "The Adventures of Augie March," Saul Bellow
82. "Angle of Repose," Wallace Stegner
83. "A Bend in the River," V.S. Naipaul
84 "The Death of the Heart,"Elizabeth Bowen
85. "Lord Jim," Joseph Conrad
86. "Ragtime," E.L. Doctorow
87. "The Old Wives"Tale," Arnold Bennett
88. "The Call of the Wild," Jack London
89. "Loving," Henry Green
90. "Midnight"s Children," Salman Rushdie
91. "Tobacco Road," Erskine Caldwell
92. "Ironweed," William Kennedy
93. "The Magas," John Fowles
94. "Wide Sargasso Sea," Jean Rhys
95. "Under the Net," Iris Murdoch
96. "Sophie"s Choice," William Styron
97. "The Sheltering Sky," Paul Bowles
98. "The Postman Always Rings Twice, James M. Cain
99. "The Ginger Man," J.R Donleavy
100. "The Magnificent Ambersons," Booth Tarkington

Joy!

Tonight, Briana, Sandler and I went on 'Gallery Walk' throughout downtown Hot Springs. The numerous art galleries host the visitors on the first Friday of every month and this was my first. What a great town! and what great people. The best part of the evening was, of course, Sandler and his reaction to the people and to the total experience of 'Gallery Walk'. He was the center of attention everywhere we went...and it was his pure joy and the expression (rather yelling) of his joy that was so infectious, anyone near him was caught up in it. He makes it so easy to see that what you give out, comes back. A 10-month old baby gave many people joy tonight..especially his grandmother!

Sgt. Thomas Strickland's Blog

http://www.livejournal.com/users/rev_wayfarer/


He died two days after his last post.

'Nuff Said

Ahhh-Nostalgia!

Click on this picture