Friday, September 30, 2005

If I Were in Charge

I guess now I will have to take charge of the illegal immigration problem.

Last I heard there were about 12 million illegals in this country. My question is…how do we know that? Did Bush award a no-bid contract to Halliburton to stand at the border and tic them off one by one as they crossed over? Be that as it may, I will assume there are many millions in this country…mainly because there are only 12 people left in Mexico City and they are having trouble finding anyone to cut their grass.

My decision to get involved in the immigration problem stems from my not being able to find anyone to cut my grass either. Or at least at a reasonable price. Or in a timely manner. We have to organize the aliens and, if they are to stay in this country (which looks pretty good for them at this point), then we must make it a win-win situation.

So from now on, all illegal aliens must register with me. I will evaluate each one's strengths and abilities and then assign them to a proper task.

If they can do electrical work, that would be a major plus for us all. This week I called an electrician to put up two sconces in my bathroom. Two guys showed up (two days late) and said it would take about two hours and cost…(do you see a pattern here?) at least $200!! Seriously!

Don't even get me started on plumbers. It goes without saying that no self-respecting Mexican would have the ubiquitous butt-crack problem. And what do plumbers do with all that money they get? Charging outrageous amounts of money just so they can have the baddest bass boat on the bay?

If I were in charge, first thing I would do is make the aliens new citizens. They ain't going back so we may as well incorporate them. But they would all have to do four years of military service. Except for the women. They have to iron for four years. I would gladly pay for someone to iron my clothes. So between the ironing and the fighting over in Iraq or wherever democracy is in danger…they should have some serious money to go to school for whatever training or education they seek.

So the registration process starts here….All landscapers, handymen, electricians and ironers will be given priority in attaining citizenship.

0 Comments:

Post a Comment

<< Home