Laugh of the Day

The Rabbi and the Catholic Priest are involved in a minor traffic accident.

The Rabbi gets out of his car first to assess the damage that the Priest did in this "fender-bender."

The Priest then gets out and asks the Rabbi if he is ok. They realize they are both unhurt and that the only thing that the accident has affected was minor damage to both cars.

The Priest checks his glove compartment to ensure that his $50 bottle of Merlot in not damaged.

The Priest says to that Rabbi, "We are ok and I believe that God wanted us to meet today and share this wine."

The Rabbi agrees and grabs two paper cups while the Priest opens the bottle. The Priest pours the Rabbi a glass of wine and the Rabbi drinks it.

The Rabbi then asks that Priest, "Are you going to drink yours?"The Priest says, "Yes. Just as soon as the cops get here and fill out the accident report."

Laugh of the Day

John McCain and Barack Obama somehow ended up at the same barbershop.

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were even afraid to start a conversation, for fear it would turn to politics.

As the barbers finished their shaves, the one who had McCain in his chair reached for the after shave.

McCain was quick to stop him saying, "No thanks, my wife Cindy will smell that and think I've been in a whorehouse."

The second barber turned to Obama and said, "How about you?"

Obama replied, "Go ahead, my wife Michelle doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."

Laugh of the Day - From Hollywood Squares.

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

Q.If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

Q.You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.

Q.Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.

Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.

Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

Q.As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

Q.Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

Q.If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

Q.Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

Q.When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.

Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

Laugh of the Day

Nationwide Strike May 1 2008!!!

Finally! We are doing something. There is a call for the citizens of this country to 'stand down' on Thursday, May 1. No work, no school, no driving, no exchanging money for goods.

We Americans have been duped, used and dumped. The government is based on a Social Contract....we pay taxes and expect the government to do its part to use our tax money for the common good.

There is no more common good. Our taxes are used to fund a small minority of war mongers who are stuffing their pockets. We are funding a government 'gone wild'.

We the People will stand down on May 1. We the People will show them who's boss!!

The GOP Cares About the Safety of the USA!

GOP leaders and representatives are horrified that the safety of the Fatherland is at stake now that the FISA Bill aka Protect America Act is being allowed to expire at midnight Saturday.

Since they are so concerned about our safety, they can use this 12-day Congressional recess to think about the following:

1. Work toward nuclear disarmament instead of its proliferation.
2 Bring our troops back from Iraq. They are fighting and dying for a lost cause.
3. Keep our money in the USA….quit airlifting it to Iraq and other black holes.
4. Bring our jobs back from overseas.
5 Do something, ANYTHING, about global climate change.
6. Fix our broken healthcare system.
7. Don’t allow a small media cabal to control the flow of information to our citizens.
8. Don’t allow illegal immigrants to flood our borders.
9. Provide adequate assistance to our returning shell-shocked veterans.
10. Quit spying on us.
11. Quit allowing China to sell us goods that kills or sickens us and/or our pets.
12 Set a good ethical example for others in this country. Call it “trickle down ethonomics”.
13 Stop allowing greedy lawless corporations and financial entities to line their pockets by kicking people out of their homes.
14. Give us HOPE...maybe the youth of this country will stop being suicide shooters
15. UNDERSTAND THAT NO TERRORIST CAN CAUSE THE USA THE HARM THAT THE GOP HAS UNLEASHED ON THIS COUNTRY.


And use this time to read up on the French Revolution. A country is judged not only on how it treats the least of their citizens but also on its most privileged.

Laugh of the Day

Two boys in Boston were playing baseball when one of them was attacked by a
killer Rottweiler. The dog had already locked his jaws on the boy's legs.

Thinking quickly, the other boy ripped a board off of a nearby fence,wedged
it into the dog's collar and twisted it, breaking the dog's neck.

A newspaper reporter from the Boston Herald witnessed the incident and
rushed over to interview the boy.

The reporter began entering data into his laptop, beginning with the
headline, 'Brave Boston Red Sox Fan Saves Friend From Jaws Of Vicious
Animal.'

'But I'm not a Boston Red Sox fan,' the little hero interjected. 'Sorry'
replied the reporter. 'But since we're in Boston , I just assumed you
were.'

Hitting the delete key, the reporter began again, 'John Kerry Fan rescues
Friend From Horrific Dog Attack'

'But I'm not a John Kerry fan either,' the boy responds.


The reporter says, 'I assumed everybody in this state was either for the
Red Sox, John Kerry, or Ted Kennedy. What team or person do you like?''

'I'm a Texas Ranger fan, and I really like George W. Bush', the boy says.

Hitting the delete key, the reporter began again:

'Arrogant Little Republican Bastard Kills Beloved Family Pet